Adjourning Groups (Flight 520)

 

 

Thinking back on the stages of building a team presented by Abudi, G. (2010) and recalling some of the groups I’ve participated in the most meaningful group that made for the hardest good-bye was graduating from the United States Air Force Basic Training flight: Flight 520

These were the women that began their military career with me, starting within the first stage of forming (transitioning from civilian over the course of 8 weeks)

If you want to see a taste of what I experienced click the link below and watch each week unfold

http://www.airforce.com/joining-the-air-force/basic-military-training/

 and then storming (conflicting with each other, finding our roles) Norming and Performing (working together learning the basic military routine over the course of the weeks plus establishing ourselves as one flight. Then as soon as we “came together” and realized how important the Air Force Core Values meant not only to an individual but as a military branch it was time to pack up all of our belongings and depart. This group was the hardest to leave because over the past 8 weeks of difficult training. Living in one dorm room together, establishing ourselves as a family flight (away from our families with our only contact being writing letters) We pulled through together,  motivated each other, cried and laughed together. I know that each Airmen went their separate ways to continue on to train at other bases within their specific jobs but our overall mission is clear. We built relationships with each other and some Airmen I still keep in touch with. I was able to experience some basic military rituals (that Airmen in the past have also experienced) including my husband and my dad. And when I returned home from basic I was able to share my experience, and listen to my husband and dad share their experiences with me. (Very meaningful) I believe the way that I will adjourn from my colleagues I formed while working on my degree in this program will be sad but alright ( I think because I left and came back and need to form new relationships with my colleagues) I believe adjourning is an essential stage of teamwork because learning how to work within different groups provides great knowledge especially as professionals we can reflect, change, and master the ways we effect our working groups. I feel that adjourning is similar to moving through chapters in a storybook reading and learning through (the beginning, the middle, and end)

Reference

 Abudi, G. (2010). The five stages of team development: A case study. Retrieved from http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/the-five-stages-of-team-development-a-case-study.html

Pictures by United States Air Force Basic Training Year Book (August 2013)

And  http://www.airforce.com/

Housing Conflict

I can recall a recent disagreement I discussed with my husband a few weeks ago.  Earlier this year as a family we considered selling our house in North Dakota and moving back to my hometown of Las Vegas NV (a lot warmer and closer to family). We are now in a spacious townhome/complex but the cost of rent and utilities is overwhelming. For about 6 months our family has been searching for a spacious house to buy and invest in. We decided to look at a house about 50 minutes’ drive in a small town outside of Las Vegas. And another house considerably farther than the first, as we looked at the first house it was a 3 bedroom 1 bath house built in 1988 with a good amount of property for a great price. I was not really excited about the house because for a household of 5 I felt the square footage was a little tight. Plus the house needed a lot of landscaping work and we would have to add renovate the house a bit to include another bedroom and bathroom the next house that was farther was built in 2005 was a 4 bedroom 2 bath house the square footage was awesome but didn’t have enough property for what my husband wants to do with the house. I really wanted the house with the 4 bed room 2 bath house and it was nicer and newer. My husband wanted the cheaper house with quite a bit of property. I found out that the newer house already had 4 bids and we would have to really compromise to get the house but the smaller house left more room in the budget to build.

As you can guess it was the house that I liked vs. the house my husband liked. I asked the realtor if she had any more houses we could look at and she said the market is a little dry. My husband got into an argument because he felt I really didn’t like any of the houses we previously looked at (cheaper and needed work!) vs. (higher end of our budget and little to no work)

(Which one would you choose?) Needless to say my husband really didn’t want to talk to me because he felt I was being snobbish. Considering what I’ve been learning in this class the strategy I took to let my husband know I was listening to him and considering his feelings was compromise and the productive conflict. I encouraged us to put an offer on both houses (a leap of faith that we will receive the house right for our family and the right budget) and see which house will accept our offer. I also explained to my husband that if we got the cheaper house with a lot of property the first thing we will do is get with a contractor right away to expand a bedroom to a master bed and bath. (Sharing a bathroom with 5 people is difficult) and the end result of our compromise is that we may be moving into the cheaper house with quite a bit of property. We have not heard anything yet but probably this week.

I decided to side with my husband (and to make him happy) to pick the house that I didn’t really like. I’m trying my best to focus on what I want done to the house (if we get it) and pick out designs. It’s difficult for me to put my wants aside and accept the needs of the other person. I thought to myself “he always does things to make me happy” and it seems I hardly do things that “make him happy” so we will see. I’m hoping for the best. I remember by O'Hair, D., dO'- Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012) that “productive conflict does not necessarily mean a successful resolution of conflict” (O'- Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. 2012 p.221)

Reference

O'- Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Communication Assessment

As I look at the similarities and differences between how I evaluated myself as a communicator and how others (My Husband) and (My father-in-law) evaluated me I was somewhat discouraged at the way my “Verbal Aggressiveness Scale” Point score. I thought I was in the Low level stage as trying to remain respectful of others and viewpoints but my score showed to be in the high level which leads me to believe that I often “attack” and “ridicule” others and not consider their viewpoints. I may think to attack and ridicule viewpoints but to be honest I try and remain considerate and not actually be verbally aggressive unless I’m upset and find myself in a disagreement with someone (most likely my husband) or my 6 year old daughter (that sometimes has a hard time listening and wants to make her own decisions when I tell her to do something). As far as my communication anxiety score I scored myself higher than my communicators. I see myself as having a moderate level of communicating anxiety and take precautions when speaking with people whereas my communicators both placed me in the Mild level of anxiety which shows that I’m a confident communicator.  The one thing that surprised me the most is the fact that my listening style profile group remained the same. All in the level of group one. It’s nice to see that they believe I’m a people oriented person and often build relationships with others. I do agree with the description about remaining very trusting of other people and this could be a slight downfall, which is one of the insights I gained from this assessment. I believe that I trust others as I would want them to trust me and if I don’t receive the same amount of trust back or find myself in a situation of mistrust. I become less of a communicator. I would like to share my blog with a few of my colleagues and ask that you post comments of your thoughts I greatly appreciate them. Thanks!

 

Cultural Diversity And Communication

As I consider the many traits of culture surrounding me around my family, church/family friends and co-workers both civilian and military I honestly find myself communicating slightly different. I have a diverse background of cultures of African American and Pilipino. My husband is Native American, and my Brother and Sister in law are Caucasian and Vietnamese.  My co-workers are from different parts of the world including Japan, Argentina, Philippines, Korea, Mexico and some of my friends include people from Jamaica.  I communicate differently based on the comfort level and the environmental setting I come in contact with. (Those that are a part of my communication circle) For example, the way I communicate with a Captain (military personnel that holds the position of a leader) at work while wearing the uniform will be slightly different if I were to have lunch with her in civilian clothing at a public restaurant. Also another example would be talking to my (Baptist) church family. When I great my pastor and discuss issues and questions that are happening within my life the answer most likely involves prayer and faith even though in theory sometimes I think the pastor has “all the answers” I have to word things differently to make sure I’m being respectful towards the pastor as well as the situation. Subconsciously I know I’m unable to just bluntly say what I want to a pastor. As work around many different cultures at work I come into contact with several people that have different religious cultural backgrounds as well as talking different languages to one another. I speak with them respectfully but also am mindful about their background so I’m not offensive. For example a few weeks ago I spoke with a co-worker from Argentina who expressed her concern about her daughter dating someone outside of her religion (catholic). She asked me what this particular belief meant and I was completely honest with her and told her I wasn’t sure but to do some research on her computer. Based on what she found she disagreed with her daughter’s boyfriend’s belief. We had a discussion on different beliefs and I told her “Well, you are the mom and if you do not agree with your daughter’s boyfriend’s belief then you should speak to her.” I felt she was venting to me as well as asking me “why this and why that? And this is what I believe and this is what his belief should be” I continued to be respectful as possible trying not to impose on her daughter’s choice of a boyfriend but I kept on letting her know to talk to her daughter if she was uncomfortable with it.

            From what I learned this week about communication the three strategies I would like to use is to be an effective communicator is to first be a little more understanding of each person’s communication context whether it be (background, gender, beliefs and age). Next strategy is to not only gain more knowledge of the people I’m communicating with but be mindful of verbal as well as non-verbal cues people display as they communicate with me. And the last strategy I want to work on to be an effective communicator is to be an active listener. I believe the hardest part of my communication is being an effective listener. I will be honest and say a great majority of the time I speak to other people I’m a bit selfish about the other person giving them their full blown attention to me and listening to my issues rather than me listening to them and helping them with their situations too.

FAMILY COMMUNICATION

For this particular assignment I chose to watch a show that I’ve never seen before it is called “BLUE BLOODS” my husband apparently records this show and enjoys watching each episode. He told me that this is a drama show about the New York Police Department and a majority of the New York Police officers are siblings and the Chief of Police is literally the biological father. He told me it is a key component to the story.

            Based on the way the characters in the story were communicating as (I watched the story in silence)

I felt each person in the story were friends. I saw mutual communication happening in the story. I assumed each character had a mutual relationship. I only saw towards the end of the episode a male and female share a hug and kissing each other. I thought maybe a few characters that were in the story were not in a relationship and were angry with each other. It seemed as if they were arguing because their mouths were wide open as they talked. And there eyebrows were down and scrunched up. I saw a few males quickly walk into a room and storm out. I also saw several characters take a deep breath after talking with one another.

 I made a few assumptions while watching the episode in silence. I assumed there was a relationship between this woman and man because this woman kept talking to this man who was sitting in an office chair and that maybe they had a relationship and now going through a divorce I felt she might have been an ex-wife because there was another gentleman in the room with glasses that I assumed to be a lawyer.

The next assumption was of a man and woman working with each other as friends but it seemed the man wanted to date this woman (police officer) because he smiled each time he spoke to her and she smiled talking to him also. Later in the episode they met each other at a bar

The last assumption was a relationship between a different man and woman because the man ended up saving her at the end because the suspect held up a hostage situation in the courtroom and by the look on his face getting down on his knees looking and pleading to the suspect to let her go was heartfelt.

Now watching the episode with sound

            Each of my assumptions was stomped as I watched the episode with sound. With the first assumption of the man sitting in the office chair having a relationship with the woman standing at the office door and the man with glasses being a lawyer was almost right. The man with glasses was a lawyer but not a divorce lawyer he was a representative of discussing information between the NYPD and the media. The woman at the door was his office assistant just giving her opinion on the situation.

The second assumption about the man wanting to date the police woman was correct. I however saw that the relationship will stay mutual because the man and woman are “partners in the police force” and they didn’t express any physical affection towards each other.

And the last assumption about the man having feelings for the woman being held hostage by the suspect was stomped because they were not husband and wife they were brother and sister. The man pleaded for the suspect to let her go because they were family. That moment surprised me and I should have took into consideration what my husband said at the beginning that the man sitting in the office chair is the chief of police. I thought only his sons were part of the police department. Not knowing that his daughter was also a lawyer working in the city.

            Overall I believe my assumptions would have been more correct if I had been watching and learning about the show well. I learned communication between people is difficult to read especially when the relationship between each character is not known. It helps me to believe when working with children and families the importance of building not only personal relationships with the children and each child but meaningful relationships in which to understand each child and families situation a little better. This way early childhood professionals are displaying concern and flexibility to meet the need of the family.

Displays of Great Communication

 

The first person I think about when it comes to displaying great communication is my good friend and co-worker. (I will call her Toni) When I first met Toni I just got hired onto the before and after school program as an assistant. Toni immediately displayed many characteristics of an active person. She was always smiling and having friendly conversations with children and their families. I also observed her personal interactions with children and saw how every child that attended the program responded with an excitement to see Ms. Toni as she walked into the room. I was drawn to her immediately and subconsciously followed her throughout the program. I liked how excited her facial expressions were when a child would come up to her to show her a project they completed. What really caught my attention is how silly she would be with the children and how easily she handled defiant and sometimes difficult children. A few days later I discovered that Toni is a military wife, mother and owned a home business. I also found out that she had been working at the program as well as having a second job at the school as a recess monitor off and on for 5 years. She then welcomed me into her home and I met her two beautiful girls and husband. I saw her prepare dinner for her family and then jump on the computer to maintain her home business. Toni then invited me to watch her host and set up a booth at an event to support military spouses. I watched her invite clients with her friendly character, eye contact and subtle promoting ability. She was always available when customers needed her and I even accompanied her when she would personally deliver her product to customers. I found all her positive characteristics as an effective tool (In my opinion everything she did to help children and families either at home, school and personal life had a personal meaning) I saw quality with her relationships and I thought to myself “WOW” how does she do it? To make a long story short throughout the time I spent working with her and getting to be close friends. I felt Toni set a high standard for multitasking women and encouraged me to model some of her behaviors and communication skills. I admit when Toni moved to a different location I tried following a bit in her footsteps and they were BIG shoes to fill. I filled some areas but not others.